


Expendable

by silversky



Series: Tumblr Prompts [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Season/Series 11, it's about the aftermath of casifer of course there's gonna be a little angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-06
Updated: 2016-03-06
Packaged: 2018-05-25 02:04:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6176005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silversky/pseuds/silversky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean, Castiel, and the not-so-surprising results of a Lucifer vs Amara showdown.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Expendable

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by this ask (btw I am literally always open for prompts, flood me with them please): _Prompt! (if you still want them) the dialogue between Dean and Cas right after Lucifer is gone and i guess it's up to you whether Amara has been defeated or not_

As the spots faded from his sight Dean’s vision focused on the crumpled body lying across the room. He stumbled forward, dodging the rubble strewn over his path, the only remnants of the almost-battle between Amara and Lucifer. They were gone, he was realizing, both of them eradicated in an instant. He could barely comprehend it.

And it was all because of Cas.

Heart pounding Dean fell to his knees, hands anxiously grasping the lolling head before him. He had to be ok. He _had_ to. Dean didn’t know what he’d do if he wasn’t, the vicious whispers in the back of his mind chanting ‘too late, too late, this is your fault and you’re too late’. He banished them with a growl.

“Dean?”

Blue eyes stared up at him, weary but clear, filled with a familiar shine that Dean hadn’t realized existed until it was gone, replaced with pale light and smug cruelty. He felt his heart surge and choked back a sob. This was no time for him to fall apart.

“Hey Cas.”

All the words he wanted to say felt trapped in his throat, too much at once to come out as anything but gibberish. Instead he leaned down, resting his forehead against the one still cradled from the floor by his shaking hands. He breathed in deep, taking a few moments to bask in the pure relief flooding through his body.

“Dean.” Gentle hands pushed him away, gripping his wrists with deceptive strength. He opened his eyes, staring across scant inches to Cas’s worn face. “How-? Are you alright? Are they gone?”

“Yeah,” Dean breathed out, not trying to stop the grin spreading towards his cheeks. “You did it, they’re both toast. We won.”

Cas sagged, hands dropping to the floor to support his body as he tilted sideways. He looked like he was in shock. “But…how did you…how am I…?”

Everything Dean had been dying to say crashed back down on him. He clutched his angel’s shoulders, face set, mind resolute. “You beat them Cas, all by yourself. You are the opposite of expendable, forever, for anything.”

“What?” Cas looked dazed, as if he wasn’t quite sure this was actually happening.

“I’m saying that you keep showing you’re better than all of us, even when you think you're nothing. And that losing you almost killed me, keeps almost killing me, and you’re not allowed-” he winced, then shook his head. “No, you’re allowed to do whatever you want. But please do what _you_ want, not what you think will make you useful. Which you are, absolutely, but that’s not important. Because that’s not why I need you.” The weight of that phrase’s history bowed his shoulders. “And I need you Cas, so much.”

“I remember,” Cas murmured softly, hands coming up to rest on Dean’s. Irrationally, their warmth made Dean shiver. He wondered if Cas had even heard him, the way he was acting. “They were going to hurt you.”

That was one way to put it. At the site of the final battle Amara’s influence over Dean had taken a vicious turn, forcing him to stand beside her, loyal lieutenant to her deadly captain. His mind had been blank, its only focus the completion of her goals. She’d claimed she drew power from his soul’s proximity, separate but still under her control, still being drained.

Lucifer had moved to destroy him, callous hand raised to brush him away like a crumb from a table. Amara had rushed forward, intent on protecting her newest asset. They’d faced off, ancient immeasurable entity versus powered-up vainglorious being. The resulting clash of energy would have left Dean as dust, if that.

And then Cas had stepped in.

“You pushed him out,” Dean said admiringly, still scarcely believing it, despite seeing the feat with his own eyes. “Just shoved him into her like it was nothing.”

For a moment there’d been silence, Dean’s thrall broken in time for him to scramble away from Amara’s dumbfounded visage. Then the conjoined power of the Grace of not one but two angels, the first almost as old as time and augmented by a Hand of God, the other more favored by God than anyone knew and uniquely powerful in its own, indescribable way, met the Darkness.

Amara hadn’t even had time to scream, the white glow erupting from her mouth, her eyes, even her fingertips in a screeching, all encompassing wave. It was light and shadow, Grace and Darkness, order and chaos themselves tearing each other into nothingness. And when the destruction had cleared, Dean and Cas were the only ones left. Technically.

Dean knew from all the research he and Sam had done that the Darkness couldn't truly be killed. She was an aspect of the universe, as ultimately unalterable as the fabric of reality itself, but due to Cas her physical connection to Earth was no more. Without it she'd have little opportunity to continue her scheme, and without Earth's connection to her brother she'd have even less motivation. Combined with Lucifer's death it was honestly the best outcome they could have hoped for.

“I did it,” Cas marveled, looking around the room alertly for the first time since he’d come to. “I proved myself.”

“ _No_ ,” Dean almost shouted, barely keeping himself from shaking the man kneeling before him. He couldn’t afford to lose his temper. Too much shouting had helped contribute to this situation existing at all. “No Cas. You never had anything to prove.”

“But I…,” Cas steeled himself, grip on Dean’s hands tightening. “I know what I am Dean. My usefulness was waning.”

“Screw your usefulness!” So much for not shouting or losing his temper. Dean pulled away, jumping to his feet to start pacing. “I don’t give a _crap_ about your usefulness.”

“Then why?” Cas yelled back, staggering upright as well. “If you don’t care about what I can do for you, why did you ever keep me around?”

_“Because I love you!”_

Silence. Nothing but heavy panting and the scream of racing thoughts. ‘Well fuck’ Dean told himself, then ‘in for a penny, in for a pound.’

“Let me finish,” Dean said, holding up an aching hand, though Cas seemed too taken aback to do more than gape. He briefly closed his eyes, centering himself. This had to be done right, or his family could fall apart.

“Cas,” Dean began. “It doesn’t matter what you can do for us. Me and Sam want you around because you’re our family. Sure, your powers are a bonus, but they’re not what make you important to us. Powers or not, angel or not,  _useful_ or not, you’re a Winchester. Nothing is going to change that and I’m sorry we ever made you feel differently. We’ll make it up to you, I’ll make it up to you, I swear.”

“Are you finished?” Cas asked, face pale.

Dean wanted to say yes. Pretend he hadn’t let words he’d held dead in his mouth for as long as he could remember slip out from a simple thing like near annihilation. Let them return to their endless tentative dance that tore at his heart, keeping him safe and in control and achingly lonely. But Dean Winchester wasn’t a coward, and he wasn’t going to lie about this. Not now.

“No.” He shook his head slowly. “No, there’s more.”

“Okay,” Cas whispered, shuffling closer, the rippling tension that had always stretched between them, persisting even through their darkest times, growing more palpable as he approached. “What else?”

There was no turning back to emotionally constipated safety now. Dean took the plunge. “I need you. All of you, any of you, whatever you’ll give me I’ll take. I know I’m not, not the best or the brightest or anything, but I need you to know that. Know that I can’t,” he shuddered, the emotion bubbling in his chest making him want to run and hide from the man barely a foot away. “I can’t imagine myself happy without you anymore. You’re my goddamn light at the end of the tunnel Cas. You make me think about old age and retirement and, and adopting hypoallergenic kittens for your weirdass obsession and-”

Lips pressed against his babble, soft and warm and shiveringly insistent. Fingertips dug into his forearms, tight and possessive. And as Cas drew back, bright blue eyes stared lovingly into his own, shouting acceptance of everything he’d said, everything he had yet to say, every syllable of adoration he could ever consider saying. In that moment, Dean felt bindings chained around his heart loosen and fall away, leaving his chest more open than it had felt in years.

“I believe you Dean,” Cas smiled. He stayed close, breath brushing against Dean’s cheeks.

“About everything?” Dean pressed. He couldn’t let this go, not and live with himself too. “About how you’re worth so freaking much? About how I’ll punch anyone who tells you different in their lying mouths?”

“I don’t remember you saying that exactly, but yes.” Cas’s grin grew broader as he ran his hands along Dean’s arms, one down to meet his stiff fingers, the other up to his shoulder. The left one, which was the right one and Dean didn’t want to think about how wrong it had felt, when he’d thought Cas had forgotten.

“Good.” Then Dean was falling forward, drawn in by the combined grasp on his flesh and on his heart. Their lips met softly, so sweet and perfect that Dean didn’t ever want to leave.

But pull away he did, tugging on the fingers twined through his, and stepped towards the door. He knew where Cas was needed next. “C’mon Cas. I'm not the only one who's missed you. Time to go back home.”

**Author's Note:**

> The WIP title for this was 'wtf is this fluffy crap?', because this is actually toned down from what I originally wrote. Yeah. Affected by my belief that Cas is going to have a pivotal role in defeating Amara, and that Amara and God are the embodiment of Chaos and Order. Hindered by my sleep-deprivation while writing and lack of a beta. If you wanna yell at me about it, or give me more prompts, please leave a comment or shoot me an ask at [ my tumblr](http://theoncomingcroat.tumblr.com/).

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Expendable (Podfic)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7423114) by [silversky](https://archiveofourown.org/users/silversky/pseuds/silversky)




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